Sunday, February 22, 2009

The City Park

Fanny Mae woke up to a clear, snow-free day. It was still cold outside, so she bundled up and walked outside. There was no time to waste today, it was a beautiful day to walk around town and find a job. Fanny Mae was walking and found herself by the city park. She looked around at the dead trees and her eyes eventually fell on two people sitting on a park bench. One of them was a very creepy looking man who was hovering over the girl sitting next to him. The girl looked very uncomfortable, and was trying to ignore this man by concentrating on the papers in her hands. She suddenly looked up, waved at Fanny Mae, and bolted off the bench towards her.
"Hey!"
"Hi?" said Fanny Mae
"Sorry I just had to pretend like I knew you until I got away from that guy. What a creeper! Anyways, my name's Sidda, what's yours?"
"I'm Fanny Mae Lewis."
"Nice to meet you. Man, I was so uncomfortable back there," Sidda said "I knew he was just like any other guy, only thinking about one thing!"
"Ain't that always the case." Fanny Mae muttered.
"What?"
"I just have experience in that area, I guess."
"You've been in some bad relationships?" Sidda asked.
"Well yeah, just one. My ex husband."
"Oh...I'm sorry..."
"Yep... He beat me. He would come home drunk, get really angry for some stupid reason and hit the livin' daylights outta me. I got bruuses all over. I would always tell myself it was just the alcohol and he really did love me. I mean, we'd been together since high school. I know it's cliché, but I was a cheerleader and he was the football quarterback.We were so happy." A smile spread across Fanny Mae's face, but she quickly wiped it away.
"Wow." Sidda said, rather speechless.
"Oh dear Lord, I am so sorry. I just spilled my whole life story to a perfect stranger. I reckon I just don't talk to a lotta people, especially in this new town."
"Oh, no its perfectly alright. Why did you move here anyways? This place is horribly drab."
Just as Fanny Mae was about to open her mouth, she noticed a large mass of people standing outside of Jupiter Apartments. She and Sidda ran to the scene and inquired as to what was going on.
"Some stupid ass kid pulled the fire alarm, scared us all half to death. You know the insurance on this place probably sucks." said a tall man with a rather large nose.
Relieved that there was no real fire, Fanny Mae wandered from the chaos down Rouse Boulevard, where a fire truck passed by with its deafening sirens. She eventually turned down Dublin Street and then on to Church Street found herself outside of the Jaguar, when she heard a noise.
"Psssst, hey you wanna job?" said the man standing in the frame of the front door.
Fanny Mae looked at the man and then up at the lopsided Jaguar sign. What is this place? she thought, I guess its like a restaurant or something. I do need a job, maybe I should check it out.

2 comments:

  1. 1. Her oddly bubbly/open demeanor is a nice contrast to all these sad/dejected/troubled characters. It seems very Southern charm-esque.
    2. As far as her spiritual/emotional growth goes, I haven't really a sense of who she is...just what's happened to her..? I dunno how to articulate that really. I guess I'm just curious to read about how events affected her.
    3. Be sure that you're perceptive when you interact with other characters....obviously, you should shape them/really interact, but be careful not to have the character do something they wouldn't really do...

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  2. The dramatic irony is really funny toward the end in that we all know what the Jaguar is. It's also really different that it's in third person, I haven't read a blog like that yet. In third person the reader looks forward to finding out what the blogger is all about.
    As a reader I'd like to find out more about how she feels instead of what she does. Since it's third person I don't know how you'd go about that, maybe introduce a character that's very close to the character like a family member or close friend that Fanny Mae can confide in. That way, the reader will get a look into how Fanny Mae feels.

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